The Fish She Let Go
by Don't need nothin' but a pen
Summary: Everybody deserves to have their story told, it doesn't matter about the crimes you've committed or the people you've hurt. Every side matters and it's time she told hers.


_*****_ **Warning, this contains some spoilers to The Wrong Fish. You have been warned _._**

 _ **A Deadly Fixation**_

Growing up I was popular for all the wrong reasons, I thought letting a guy into my pants would make me feel loved. The reality was, that it left me feeling alone and used. But then I met _Him_. Alec Greyson. He was wild and crazy. He didn't care about what people thought, he already knew where he was going and what he wanted to be. He didn't care what anyone had to say about it. He made me feel loved and adored. He was my own personal green eyed angel, my whole world. I couldn't keep him though and the night I lost him, I thought I'd die too. But I was saved and I'd make sure I could keep this one.

^*^*^ _The Summer At The Falls^*^*^_

"I swear. I'm almost there," I answered the phone, not checking the I.D. I was an hour late for a bonfire in La Push that my sister had begged me to go to. But I had just started walking down the trail to the beach. My sister had already called twice to complain that I was late.

" _Tanya,_ " I stopped walking at the distressed sound of Jane, Alec's sister's voice, " _there's been an accident, Alec, he um, he c-crashed his bike. Tanya, he d-didn't make it,"_ my phone didn't make a sound as it dropped to the floor. I felt numb all over and my vision turned dark. It couldn't be true, not my Alec. I stumbled aimlessly through the forest and eventually found myself standing at the La Push cliff's edge.

I looked down at the water below as it crashed against the rocks at the bottom. Was it really that easy? Could I just step off the edge? Maybe it would hurt as I hit the bottom, but maybe that pain would be less that the pain in my chest right now.

"It looks pretty cold to me." I jumped slightly at the voice behind me, I turned quickly and my breath caught as my eyes connected with green ones.

"Alec?" I asked, my voice just above a whisper. The shadow laughed awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Edward, actually." He corrected. I could see the differences now, he was lanky and maybe only sixteen or fifteen. His hair was a weird copper colour, not blonde like I had first thought in the low light of the moon. But those eyes, they were just like Alec's. "It's a guy, right?" he guessed and I just stared at him blankly, "you know, men are like fish, there are tons of them out there and sometimes you have to let the wrong fish go, so you can catch the right fish," he grinned when he was fished, clearly proud of himself and I actually managed a smile.

"Why don't you step away from the edge now? There's a bon fire down at the beach. I heard it's pretty awesome with the drift wood." he reached out a hand and I hesitated before slipping mine into it. He smiled lightly and pulled me further back. "there you go, much better out here right?" I nodded slightly, but stayed silent as he pulled me towards the beach.

He started talking after it was made clear that I wouldn't. He told me about being in La Push for the summer, that he was sixteen and had always wanted to be a lawyer. He told me his favourite colour and food. He never seemed to run out of words, even when it was made obvious that we were lost. He had been mumbling about the position of the moon and how he wasn't lost, but was taking the scenic route when I slipped. I rolled down a short slope only for a second before I hit the tree and the lights went out.

When I came to I was in a hospital and there was a doctor standing over me. When he saw that I was awake he explained that I'd hit my head and a branch had pierced my stomach. I was fine, but the baby hadn't survived. The _baby._ I hadn't even known I was pregnant and now it was gone.

The darkness was creeping back in. I could feel it taking over my mind and then I heard his voice. It was muffled at first, as if I was hearing it from underwater, but then it became clearer. Edward was here, he'd stayed with me. I felt like he was a candle in the darkness, calling me to come closer and keeping me grounded. He didn't say much, just repeated those words from before.

 _"Sometimes you have to let the wrong fish go, so you can catch the right fish"_

He stayed for the entire week that I was in the hospital, sometimes he'd talk, other times he'd play music and just sit with me. On the second day he let it slip that he had a girlfriend, but hadn't wanted to bring her up, because he thought might up set me to hear about her so soon after my own brake up. I never corrected him, to tell him Alec had really died. I didn't speak at all actually, just listened to him. He talked about her a lot after that first time.

I began to grow jealous of a girl I'd never met, he spoke so highly of her and with so much love. Had Alec ever spoken about me like that? Edward became my life line. If I ever thought of Alec or the baby he'd be there to distract me with something else. I felt like I couldn't breath when he was gone. It suffocated me.

I felt like I needed him with me all the time, I didn't like the feeling. It made me feel horrible inside. But I felt he was the sun and when he wasn't around, all there was, was darkness. Everything seemed worse without him there, like I'd never feel okay again.

I found myself thinking of him all the time, wondering where he was, what he was doing. I memorised tiny things about him, like the mole on his neck just below his ear, or the way his voice changed with different subjects. It became worse when I was out of the hospital. He wasn't around as often, spending most of his time with _her._

I watched him whenever he was around. I needed to be around him or I thought I'd go crazy and the darkness would creep back it. She was always in the way though, always with him. It became clearer to me though, with each passing day I began to realise what Edward had meant.

Alec. He had to die. Because he was the wrong fish and I had to let him go. Because Edward was the right fish. I just had to catch him.

* * *

I don't know if I managed to portray Tanya right in this. It was so hard to write this, but hopefully it gives you a better idea of what is inside of her mind. And I know the title was suppose to be The Fish That Got Away, but I liked this one more.


End file.
